He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
