It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize