Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
