I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
