Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
