So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
