a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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