Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
