Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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