so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
