it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just had sex bonerless
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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