He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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