i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
