literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
