I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love having hate sex.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
