she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I party with great urgency now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
