we're chasing vodka with high fives
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
