non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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