guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
