plz talk dirty to me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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