i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
