i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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