Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
