My Higher Power is John Stamos
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize