oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize