I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
