My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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