I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
