Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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