I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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