it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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