I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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