Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
