WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Found the puke drawer
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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