anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
