Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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