some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
