I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
