i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
