We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
