he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
