# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
