I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize