Just fell off a train. Bad.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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