Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize