i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
