Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
