Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He felt like a one man threesome
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
