now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
