I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize