There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
