No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
