Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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