Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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