Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
