If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
