I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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