you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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