he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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