this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is my gift to your gina
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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