she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
