i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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