Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
