I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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