I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
