I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
