I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
