We're like a lot better than the average bears
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
